Almost none of the rules of wedding planning are rules. They are habits, most of them fairly recent, several of them invented by people selling something.
There are exactly two things you genuinely have to do: meet the legal requirements, and honour the contracts you have signed. Everything else on this page is optional, and breaking most of it will save you money and make the day feel more like you.
"It has to be a Saturday"
The most expensive assumption in wedding planning.
The same venue with the same food and the same staff is routinely cheaper on a Friday or a Sunday, and cheaper again outside peak season. The difference can be a fifth of your venue hire or more, and it extends to suppliers too. It also opens up places that are booked out for Saturdays eighteen months ahead.
Guests grumble for approximately the length of one message and then have a lovely time. Nobody at a good party has ever thought about the day of the week.
"You need a big wedding party"
Eight bridesmaids, eight groomsmen, matching everything. Entirely optional.
One person each is fine. None at all is fine. Mixed groups, siblings only, friends of any gender standing on whichever side they like. The wedding party exists to support you, not to fill a photograph.
Smaller also means cheaper, since outfits, gifts, hair, makeup and flowers all scale with the number of people involved.
"There is a correct outfit"
White, colour, two outfits, traditional dress, a suit, a jumpsuit, something you already own. All fine.
The white wedding dress is a fashion convention popularised in the nineteenth century, not a requirement. Plenty of South African couples wear traditional attire for one celebration and something else for another, and plenty wear whatever makes them feel most themselves.
Wear what you want to look back on.
"You have to invite them"
You are not obliged to host anyone. Not distant cousins, not your parents' colleagues, not the friend you have not spoken to since school, not a guest's new partner you have never met.
Every name is a plate, a drink, a chair and a share of the venue. An invitation is a gift, not a debt.
"Bigger is better"
Some of the best weddings are small. At 150 guests you get about ninety seconds per person and remember very little. At 60, you have real conversations with people you love, the food is better, and the budget works.
A smaller wedding is not a compromised wedding. It is frequently a warmer one.
"You can't see each other before the ceremony"
A superstition, and one that costs you time. Couples who see each other beforehand, sometimes called a first look, get a private moment together, finish most of their photographs early, and can actually attend their own drinks reception.
If the tradition matters to you, keep it. If you are only observing it because you assumed you had to, know that plenty of couples do it the other way and are very glad they did.
"Speeches happen at the same point, by the same people"
There is no rule about who speaks. Both of you can. Neither of you has to. Your mother, your best friend, nobody at all.
Splitting speeches between courses keeps energy up far better than one long block, and setting a firm time limit is entirely acceptable.
"The ceremony has to be long"
Fifteen minutes is a complete ceremony. The legal portion is short, and everything around it is yours to design or omit.
Nobody has ever wished a wedding ceremony had been longer.
"You have to do the traditional dances and rituals"
Bouquet toss, garter, cake cutting, first dance, father daughter dance. All optional, and several of them are awkward for the people involved.
Keep the ones that mean something to you or your family. Skip the rest. Nobody misses a bouquet toss that never happens.
"Guests expect favours"
They do not, and most favours are left on the tables. This is one of the easiest lines to cut with no impact whatsoever.
The same applies to elaborate printed programmes, individual menu cards, chair covers and a second dessert nobody asked for.
"You need a wedding party at the top table"
Sweetheart tables for just the two of you are increasingly common and solve several political problems at once. Sitting with your closest friends, or with family, is also fine.
"It has to be at a wedding venue"
Community halls, family land, restaurants, gardens, homes, national parks, a beach. Weddings happen everywhere. Some of the most memorable ones happen in places that mean something to the couple rather than places designed for the purpose.
Just check the practical questions: power, bathrooms, kitchen facilities, parking, wet weather backup and noise permissions.
"You have to have a big send off"
Sparklers, confetti, a vintage car. All lovely and all optional, and several venues restrict them anyway.
What is actually worth keeping
This is not an argument against tradition. Traditions carry meaning, and a wedding stripped of everything familiar can feel oddly hollow.
The useful distinction is between traditions you are choosing and traditions you are obeying. Ask, for each one: does this mean something to us, or to someone we love? If yes, keep it, and enjoy it properly. If the honest answer is that you assumed you had to, that is the thing to let go.
Some things you should keep regardless: feed people properly, tell them clearly where to be and when, look after guests who travelled far, and make sure someone other than you is running the day.
Those are not traditions. They are just hosting.
The point
There is no correct way to get married. There is a legal minimum, a set of habits that grew up around it, and an entire industry with an interest in you believing the habits are compulsory.
Break the ones that do not fit. Keep the ones you love. Spend the money you save on things you actually care about.
Your wedding should be recognisably yours, which means it should look at least a little different to everyone else's. That is not a failure to do it properly. That is the whole point.
Madly is built for planning a wedding that sounds like you, not like a template. Sign up free and start planning.